Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Developing Babies Might Already be Evil Geniuses

He was a weird, pink alien-like blob with nubby appendages. Residing in the belly of his host, he used unknown powers to control the vehicle body's behavior and movement. His name was Krang, but he sounds an awful lot like my unborn baby.

My wife's halfway through the pregnancy of our first child, and finds that the baby dictates what she does more often than would be expected. We're not sure if it's via coincidence, hormones, or telepathic power, but when the baby's hungry, she's hungry. When the baby wants her to get something, she gets it. When the baby wants her to run somewhere to throw up, she obliges. And when she eats something the baby approves of, it rewards her with kicks and/or a non-upset stomach.

While I'd hate to expect my baby to be a transplant from Dimension X determined to dominate the world (or not?), I can't help but draw comparisons between the little guy/girl and the antagonist from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series. In the cartoons, Krang, immobilized by a lack of legs, rode in the abdomen of a robotic suit that he had complete control over.

Those ridiculous cravings my wife has, which end up with me driving like an asshole to get us to Dairy Queen five minutes before they close?  Blame it on the baby.

The compulsion for her to quickly duck into a store because there's tiny shoes in the display window, leaving me to wonder what happened to her? Baby's responsible.

Is she screaming at me, crying, and sweetly nuzzling me all within a five minute period? Must be the driver in the abdomen.

She has to lay only on her left side, because no other sleeping position makes sense anymore? Baby.

It really is bizarre how much this tiny little man or woman dictates her behavior. It definitely feels like there's something driving her, and she's the one who first pointed it out. At first, it must have been hard adapting to the thought that there was a human growing inside of her, but by now, she's formed a special, if strange, bond with our child, and one that's more cartoonish than I ever could have expected. Even at its worst, though, it still seems totally worth it.

However, if she starts talking in really bad puns about "turtle soup" anytime soon, I'll start to get concerned.

No comments:

Post a Comment